INTERMISSION!

Wrong Side Of The Bed!

Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, 'Good morning ladies.'

The novices replied, 'Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you.' But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, 'I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning.' This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue.

A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, 'Good morning Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today.'

'Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you.'

But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, 'She got out of the wrong side of bed today.' Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant.

Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. 'Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day.'

'Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning.'

Mother Superior was floored! 'Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me.'

Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. 'Oh, don't take it personal, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers.'

INTERMISSION! (A festive bonus)

Ticket, Please!

Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Scots piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called "Tickets, please!" and one of the Scots slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Scots came out and took their seats. The Englishmen were tremendously impressed by the Scots' ingenuity.

On the trip back, the five Englishmen decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Scots had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Scots piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Englishmen into the other. Then one of the Scots leaned out, knocked on the Englishmen's stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door.

INTERMISSION!

Cow on the Track

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

"What's going on?" she yells out the window.

"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"

Intermission

The Train Lantern

In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the driver took the train company to court.
At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."
"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."
"How's that?" the lawyer asked.
"I was afraid he was going to ask if the damned lantern was lit!"

INTERMISSION!

Three men go on holiday abroad together. The tourist office informs them that there is only one hotel in town with vacancies. The lads go along there, only to be told by reception that there is just one available room left in the hotel. They are not keen, but as it is their only option, they take the room for one evening and share its only bed. That night, they all enjoy a good night's sleep. In the morning, the guy on the right side of the bed says, "I dreamt I had the best wank last night." The guy on the left side says, "That's funny, I had the exact same dream!". The guy in the middle says, "I dreamt I was skiing."